Continue the process of realization 2.0: Dating & Relationship

The realization on dating & relationship I have the past month haven’t changed. Well, maybe a little bit, but not drastically. What haven’t change is the way I viewed my dating & relationship. My relationship has mostly been intimate and sexual. In 2019 I experienced a more personal & romantic relation with another person. Currently I am living in the United States of America for 6 months. The prior goal for me staying in this ‘land of opportunity’ is because of a fellowship. You already kind of know me; a people person that needs connection. In addition to the fellows who also participate in this fellowship, I want to get to know new people, in this COVID time. What is the best time? What shall my approach be?

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COVID dating

My first thought was dating. How will I date in COVID? I knew I wanted to meet fellow students, but school wasn’t about to start till January and I was 15 days in America, when that thought came. Meeting people was very difficult, especially when you only see their eyes. I needed to be cautious and also try to catch the vibe of other people. On one of the nights with my fellow ladies we talked about dating in America. Two dating apps were called; one I knew and the other one I never heard of: Tinder and Bumble. I wasn’t interested in Tinder, because I heard it was mostly used for ‘one-night-stands’. My goal was to connect, of course I didn’t exclude sexual intercourse, but that’s not what I was looking for in these dates. Why Bumble excites me was more of the feminine touch of the app. How? Women make the first move to set the tone. I was intrigue by this idea. So, while we were getting tipsy on bottles of wine- I started searching for the app on my Apple store. Found it! I started to read… AND DOWNLOAD. I matched with almost 20+ guys, the same night. There is a crux though, if you want to see who like you back- you need to upgrade the dating app to premium- I did it for one month. I got tired too! It was exhausting.

The Bumble dating app

There’s no equality without respect, and that’s where all healthy relationships start. To challenge outdated heterosexual norms, women make the first move on Bumble.

bumble.com

My approach of how I wanted to date in America should also be different from my previous experiences. I wanted to meet new people and I am convinced one of the ways to do that is also connecting on a personal, romantic level. To have the best experience in a foreign country is to be open to EVERYTHING. Ok! As it seems so intriguing to make the first move as woman- I got fed up! I matched, and I had a lot of first moves to make. Yes! maybe I was eager to connect with these handsome Americans- Yes! You may say a slightly desperate and overly enthusiastic. After these first moves- some replied back (the man get 24h to reply back) – some blocked me or deleted the message after a few attempts- some ignored me- and now even some deleted their accounts. For me it was not so nice to be rejected. Mostly the men are the ones who get rejected a lot of time and they seem fine after. Women has a different sense of emotion. I didn’t feel good about myself. And guess what! English is NOT my native language- so my English might not be academically and Grammarly correct. At least I try. I did get likes, but the matching was a challenge. You may make the first move as a woman- the man decides too. Just don’t think you will get an explanation.

Matched vs Unmatched

Between those matches and likes I DID match with two guys. Both wanted to see me. Let me tell you I had some requirements for my dating style.

1. I wanted to date with COVID rules but not to be restricted
2. I want to meet you after our first good vibe on the text
3. Some requirements where on the description on the app like: no pets, political view & beliefs, children and type of relation (something casual, marriage, relationship, don’t know)

Lets call the two dates: Match 1 & Match 2 for now. Maybe in time I will share a name 😉

I really liked Match 1: he wasn’t my usual type- tall, muscular, and dark. His vibe was Husband; stable income, entrepreneurial, an apartment in Downtown (lives nearby), a car, is sporty (walks every night), good conversations about certain views on life. He dresses nicely, has a beard (yum!) and a small belly. Still something about him attracted me. I wanted to really get to know him. But with the holidays coming; he went to Chicago to his mom and came back on December 31st. My December was planned and I thought he was going to be part of it. We texted sporadically and he stopped texting without any explanation. Bummed! and full of questions. I started reaching out to Bumble again- I was still active with the matching but no luck till Match 2 decided to pop up.

Match 2 gave a friend vibe from the beginning. He politely said he was off to work and what time he is going to be done. After that he kept his promise by texting me through Bumble and asks for my number so we could text without Bumble being an intermediary. We texted! I was still bummed from match 1. Still wanted to know why? So, my approach to this match was to ‘live in the moment’. Not giving myself a hard time to get ideas in my head that aren’t even there. Also, let the man lead. I am not an extreme feminist- I get the point- but that is another thought to share. Match 2 took the time and liberty to text me every morning- it almost became a habit- and something I got used to. The holidays were nearby and he had to leave to Missouri for the family. I got a challenge- we met before he left- went to find his apartment by bus. A total stranger in his house and a total stranger going to his house. I snooped and found very very valuable & personal writings of his. When he left Phoenix we remained to have daily contact. Somewhere I still missed and longed for match 1. Match 2 fulfilled some of my bucket list items like seeing firework from a mountain at New Years Eve.

In the new year, just about a week ago, I contacted Match 1 because I want some explanation. I got my explanation, but I wasn’t feeling good anymore, even though I still wanted to hang out and get to know him. It’s still hard for me, to let an idea go. I snooze Bumble, because I still get matches or likes, but I am tired of making the first moves and getting rejected, not knowing why. Why should I bother, I still hang out and have daily contact with Match 2; the friend. Why seeking for the thing that is not worth your time & energy? Why still searching for that match of your usual type? Why not enjoy a persons personality, that is what makes life interesting and the experiences divers, right? Why not enjoy a friendship with a healthy relationship?

DISCLAIMER: One of the ladies, from that night, is now also on Bumble. Maybe Match 2 is a success story, already. Read Bumbles blog of different nice stories or follow them on Instagram. Bumble is divers that’s why I haven’t deleted my account yet: you can connect with Bumble BFF (for ladies) & Bumble Bizz (for professional business).