Never been Loved

I received a video with a note; Do you want to make new memories? My heart stopped when I saw it and my desires for him grew again or it seems it was never gone. For the past months that I didn’t have sex with the person I wanted to have sex with and connect on more levels I felt good about myself. I haven’t thought about sex in such a way as the day I saw the video. The day I did consider it was the moment I thought I was missing on a hug- yesterday or the day after. My conclusion is that my hugs are going together with having sex. So, the hug that I keep referring to; to feel safe, to feel supported, and to feel loved I took that within casual sex.

I never was loved in a way that I would feel safe, supported and free. It was always one sided. I also felt the same for the person I was doing it with. As the movie title is ‘never been kissed’. I can have the title ‘never felt love’. I wonder if I was ever loved by my parents if I would have had this life experience, where I longed for the one thing, I wanted to feel from my first love; my mother and my father. Maybe if I would have felt it when I was little, I wouldn’t feel so broken.  I just want romance and be in a musical. I also love to just sit in my head and make up stories that also are somewhat true, cause some people do live those love stories of course with challenges.

What will make me a good writer of experience is the heart I put in my stories. The movies I watch. And the people who do support my love for my own stupid stuff.