Trust? I put a crack on it. That 2nd mistake bit me in my ass.

My boyfriend knows me better than I know myself. Or I can say that he and I have builded on this relationship were we know exactly when something is off. He is sad, will be for awhile and his trust in me is damaged. I kept the mistake a secret, is what he says- I didn’t want to tell that part in the story, because of the one thing I was afraid might happend, which did happen. I just want to forget it ever happend. But guess, the cat is out the bag.

January 23, 2023February 19, 2023

A mistake not worth making for the 3th time. I can be better; fixing is just the same as growing, right?

Mistake needs to be make to be better to grow

The last couple of days in the New Year after my birthday, I have tried to talk reason into a mistake. This mistake is one that I don’t look back too. I don’t know if this mistake put a dumper on me or if it is more. For me to cope with this I stated a few things: don’t tell if it will put a Dench in the relationship or if it might create mistrust. It was an act of selfishness. The question might rise; What is this mistake and why not being honest? Because, I am not proud of it. I don’t want to do it again and I don’t want to create this crack in the wall. I want to put it behind me and be better, from this point on.

December 26, 2022January 29, 2023

Dutch Article: The Reason I am bored.

I am bored; but what is the reason?

Wat betekent het woord balen? In het Nederlands woordenboek staat balen omschreven als ‘iets heel erg vinden’ of ‘zich ergeren aan iets vervelends of saais’, maar een ander betekenis kan zijn ‘lusteloos voelen’. Lusteloos is als je nergens zin in heb- er is ook heel weinig tot geen beweging. In het Engels staat er ‘the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest’. Dus vrij vertaald staat er ‘de staat van vermoeid en rusteloos zijn door gebrek aan interesse’. Welk gebrek aan interesse zou je denken?

December 12, 2021December 12, 2021

My top 1 challenge to confront

What is my the challenge?
I love attention; men’s attention.
The feeling I get from it is- ooh, I feel very much in control and have power, because they want me again, which allows me to decide if I give it to them or not. They get the vibe; -the door is ajar- find your limits. Am still in esteem with them, despite being in a committed relationship.

October 4, 2020July 26, 2024

Start asking for help when you feel ready

In life you meet certain points where you wonder were you stand. Before you asked yourself that- you got so mad at a few things friends did, which you didn’t even know where that important to you. The behavior is that one thing you recognize where your own frustration comes from: the behavior the other person shows, and you get irritated.

September 20, 2020September 20, 2020

Why am I still Holding back on ME

Simple Lunch made by Me (brown bread with chicken and some greens

I still haven’t found my mojo. Not finding my mojo results in not doing anything> I don’t have a purpose or a sense in this world. A lot is happening in the world. People are ‘seeing’ how the system works and how it controlled our way of living, that hold us back to strive. My story is more of one of individual matter. Even if the world is getting to it’s ‘end’. I have an individual life to obtain.

June 16, 2020June 25, 2020

Never been Loved

I received a video with a note; Do you want to make new memories? My heart stopped when I saw it and my desires for him grew again or it seems it was never gone. For the past months that I didn’t have sex with the person I wanted to have sex with and connect on more levels I felt good about myself. I haven’t thought about sex in such a way as the day I saw the video. The day I did consider it was the moment I thought I was missing on a hug- yesterday or the day after. My conclusion is that my hugs are going together with having sex. So, the hug that I keep referring to; to feel safe, to feel supported, and to feel loved I took that within casual sex.

June 13, 2020June 25, 2020

I am Insecure

Whenever I think I am not good enough or I am insecure about me I need to read this;

This is a list from a very good person- he is a writer like me- but his specialty is poems. He wrote this for me in 2015, when I was doubting myself in a lot of things and very, very, very insecure.

April 16, 2020June 25, 2020

Where am I now?

I am here. I woke up. I got a change to take on this day, I can achieve my challenge in a broader way.

April 10, 2020June 25, 2020

My head is all over the place

I need to have stuff done or start on some projects. Thinking about it makes it difficult to proceed with it. Starting with writing or one of the many steps will eventually leads to results. I got a nugget and I want to share it because I want to implement it to see if it also would apply to me.