My boyfriend knows me better than I know myself. Or I can say that he and I have builded on this relationship were we know exactly when something is off. He is sad, will be for awhile and his trust in me is damaged. I kept the mistake a secret, is what he says- I didn’t want to tell that part in the story, because of the one thing I was afraid might happend, which did happen. I just want to forget it ever happend. But guess, the cat is out the bag.
The last couple of days in the New Year after my birthday, I have tried to talk reason into a mistake. This mistake is one that I don’t look back too. I don’t know if this mistake put a dumper on me or if it is more. For me to cope with this I stated a few things: don’t tell if it will put a Dench in the relationship or if it might create mistrust. It was an act of selfishness. The question might rise; What is this mistake and why not being honest? Because, I am not proud of it. I don’t want to do it again and I don’t want to create this crack in the wall. I want to put it behind me and be better, from this point on.
Lets start by wishing you a fulfilled and prosperous New Year. It is rather cliche- every year the same wishes and the making of new resolutions going into the new year. I would state that I am very proud of you, that means that I am also proud of myself. We made it through 2022. Be proud! Take the knowledge and wisdom to 2023. We are going to make it through too, even if it is too early to state that. Let God guide you in this journey.
Wat betekent het woord balen? In het Nederlands woordenboek staat balen omschreven als ‘iets heel erg vinden’ of ‘zich ergeren aan iets vervelends of saais’, maar een ander betekenis kan zijn ‘lusteloos voelen’. Lusteloos is als je nergens zin in heb- er is ook heel weinig tot geen beweging. In het Engels staat er ‘the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest’. Dus vrij vertaald staat er ‘de staat van vermoeid en rusteloos zijn door gebrek aan interesse’. Welk gebrek aan interesse zou je denken?
There is this misconception in the world that people without a certain degree, knowledge (studied it), experiences (children) and everything you can think of, doesn’t have the right to say, give advice or their opinion on the matter.
It triggers me, because the lack of that type of understanding is mind-blowing for me.
How I reread my diaries (some 1 on 1 wisdom nugget)
It’s Christmas, first day of Christmas in Suriname. The neighbors are celebrating and it bothers me slightly. I have my music on, and am cleaning up the second room a bit.
A few days ago I was looking for something in my book container. It is impossible to put the books and diaries in unsorted, so they lay on the floor for a few days.
So as I take the time tonight to re-sort the books and diaries, I’m flipping through my old diaries and reading a few pages.
Made myself a tea and eat cake from the night before Christmas party.
When I read, I encounter myself again and relive the moments.
Thoughts that remind me of all the goals I so desperately want to achieve, and also times when I’m at a loss with myself.
As always it happens that I get even more paper (than is already in the container), also my laptop and then I write. I also promised myself to publish a post every Sunday for Perixcope.
Writing & Resorting Diaries on Christmas Night
Translated question: From which little things do you derive happiness?
My Diary is written in Dutch and English – how I think I need to express myself
What is my the challenge? I love attention; men’s attention. The feeling I get from it is- ooh, I feel very much in control and have power, because they want me again, which allows me to decide if I give it to them or not. They get the vibe; -the door is ajar- find your limits. Am still in esteem with them, despite being in a committed relationship.
Due to my own insecurity I missed an opportunity to be published as a guest writer. Around 2019 a friend I know asked me to write a guest post on a few topics concerning the female perspectives. I shared a lot of my personal experiences with men up close on Facebook. My insecurity let me postponed her request many many times. Finally on March, 13th 2020, I wrote the guest post. Till last year I haven’t seen my post on her blog and as of last night her blog is not active ‘This site can’t be reached’. I missed on a good opportunity to be published as a guest writer.
To be honest, I haven’t texted her about her blog, yet. It is also two years that the story was written. I follow her and she is pretty busy with her personal & professional life. And since I am starting to be more consistent I could just write the story on my own blog. I read the story again and I definitely should rewrite it, which I will do. Don’t worry – I will use the written story – but I will put it with more flow and coherence.
In life you meet certain points where you wonder were you stand. Before you asked yourself that- you got so mad at a few things friends did, which you didn’t even know where that important to you. The behavior is that one thing you recognize where your own frustration comes from: the behavior the other person shows, and you get irritated.
