Everyone has there own process of ‘whatever you might think of’. Yes, even I have that. I realize that I am not going to settle easily. What do I mean by that? Before I settle in a stable, secure partnership where I feel that I have accomplished everything within my career, I feel that I need to do just that last thing- go and fulfill myself with the one thing I know will make me the happiest person on earth.
I do want to be in a partnership. I do long for a loving partner. I do want that he understands and supports my dreams- like I want and going to do the same. I thought it was the guy I dated. He came back to me a month ago and told me he broke up with his girlfriend because she acted cold during sensitive conversations. When we ‘reunited’ we talked it out- I ask questions- I made him think and get into his feelings- he missed that. Genuinely, he wanted to reconnect and he saw the growth I have been through. That I saw myself as wifey and being ready for a committed intimate relationship was a shock for him. Something he was longing for when we were dating. After we connected, his former girlfriend wanted to talk. She needed to know what she did wrong. He told her. And she wanted to change, She wanted the second chance. That what he wanted and longed for, she was willing to give him, to work on the relationship. She wanted couples counseling (eventho they weren’t a couple anymore). What happened to him? For the second time I experienced he was in a dilemma! Why couldn’t he make up his mind? It frustrated me for the second time.
On the other hand, I also felt that I lost interest in him. I wanted to have that feeling I had with him when we dated, but I have grown so fast in those months after my dating phase, that I got bored of every conversation we had. When we were talking, there was nothing much to talk about, I longed for long deep conversations with two friends of mine. That is were I knew- We or I have grown apart. What I need to let go off, is the feeling, the hope, the thought, the idea that he might see, what he is losing. I thought that he knew, when he came back- but he doesn’t, because when we talk- he doesn’t really understand the context, what I see and how I feel about him handling stuff. His Stuff!
I came to the realization that he is not the partner I need. I don’t want to settle with him. And yes! He may be the spark I felt- but I can have that feeling with anyone. I still believe that if or when I meet my partner- he will be my partner and I will be his- literally. There will be a flow, it will be mutual, and it will feel magical.
Just how I am feeling now! Happy, in flow and content with Being Me! A Butterfly or a Bee 🙂
