What should I do with my diary, scribbles and notes? Hold on to it is the first reaction you can think of. It is part of your ‘healing’ process, some say. My diary has been my process of evaluation, without it I would have felt lost, or unaccomplished. I needed to write and scribble a lot to get my thoughts organized. I needed to read it occasionally so, I would acknowledge my growth and my process. I felt unachieved, and with the diary I knew- I was on the right path, somehow. But the diaries, notes and scribbles I have, I feel that they have fulfilled there purpose and I should move on.
When I was twenty three years old and in a whole other process with my relationships I took the advice of an ex lover to burn all my previous diaries. His reason was that people might use it for negativity whenever they would find and read them. I couldn’t convinced him that, finding my diaries were part of my plans. Someone should find my story so inspiring to write a book, or a movie about it. It took me a few years to get over that hurt. The hurt of burning my diaries without me even being ready to let go. I have learned never to do something for someone else. Do it if you are ready and feels the need to do it. This time I do feel the need to let my diaries, scribbles and notes be in a place of fulfillment. They have served me a great purpose. I could re-evaluate, I could look back and try to write better ( not negatively), I could feel that I have accomplished. All my diaries, scribbles and notes were about self development; self awareness, self knowledge in combination with relationships. Some were also work-related.
For the last five years I have made my own diaries out of a notebook, where I glued on a piece of fabric. These fabrics I buy at a culture store and I choose the fabric based on my feeling and my mood. Walk straight to the fabric aisle, I touch all the fabric and look at prints I get a good feeling about. At home I find a good moment to work on my very own self-made diary. My fifth one is a notebook from the store- It ‘spoke’ to me. I liked the patterns on it. They were Celtic knots. I looked up the meaning: ‘loops’ without a beginning or an end. It represents eternity, loyalty, faith, friendship and love. One thread is used in each design which symbolizes how life and eternity are interconnected. The next step in my growth is sharing my experiences to the world.
I haven’t written in my diary for a while. Well, the last time it was October 28th. What I meant is that writing hasn’t come up in my mind the last few weeks. It feels as if my thoughts don’t wander anymore and I have room to think about anything else, which are not my intimate relationships. I am glad for this process. It has given me the opportunity to take on the next step in life- and a much more challenging phase.
For what it is worth. I will close the box with all my diaries, scribbles and notes. It will be sealed with duct tape and buried in a safe place for whenever I think I might want to read them again. The journey and process of growth, self development never stops, until your last breath on earth. Have FUN Xploring Life.